I miss my Dad pretty often. We lost him about 6 years ago, after a gall bladder operation produced complications that slowly took his life. He was a pastor for most of his life, in Mesquite for the last 25 years, and he parented lots of kids besides his own four. I’d love to get his advice on raising a teen, because I’m pretty clueless – this is my first experience at being the Dad.
I didn’t get this teenager when he was born, and we have no genes in common. When I became “Bonus Dad” to Ben (his bio-dad died when he was 6), he was about to start his Freshman year in high school. He wasn’t happy to move away from his friends in Gilmer, but his mama sure was anxious for him to enter the Brownsboro ISD. He realized that he didn’t have any say in the matter, and was pretty angry about it for a couple of months.
He got over that, and began to see the advantages to having two parents, though at first it just seemed that he now had two adults watching his every move, and the new one was pretty strict. Once we all moved into the farmhouse, he really liked having the whole 2nd story to himself, a 60-inch monitor for his video games, and the pool. Plus, there’s money for clothes and school activities that his mama couldn’t provide on her own.
We’ve all learned to work together, and we have a pretty smooth routine now. Ben inherited my 1998 Ford Ranger, complete with dents, no A/C, and a stereo more powerful than its engine. He drives it to school, church, and his part-time job. He’s a Senior now, and we’re already getting wistful about this phase of our lives coming to a close. I’ll probably cry (I know his mama will) at the last Home football game, after he does his final halftime performance with the BMB.
I’m beginning to understand Papa better as I struggle to help raise a teen – and I wonder, how did my Dad let me live? Maybe that was due to the softening influence of my Mama. As Dad would say: “I’m Judgement, she’s Mercy!”.
In the same way, my wife Jocelyn checks my tendency to be too harsh. But woe to the boy if he goes far enough to make his mama really mad – there’s a saying in our home: “Don’t tick off the Mercy!”.
“Being the Dad” is a huge responsibility, for which I’m usually very grateful. I realize that, when Ben becomes a dad (maybe 6-7 years from now), memories of my parenting are likely to be the only ones he’ll have to draw upon to help him know how to do this “Dad” thing. It’s a huge hassle, it’s a great expense, it can be maddening… and I’m so grateful that I got to do it – for a few years, I got to be “the Dad”.
On the other hand, once he’s gone, we might be able to afford that hot tub...